THE DRAWER

Ever notice the older you get the weirder the things are that make you happy?  I have an odd list of things.  Like oddly odd....I was a little apprehensive about including you all in my weirdness, but, hey, I just typed "apprehensive" without misspelling it.  If I can do that I can do ANYTHING!  Well, except spell "misspell".  Yeah...it red lined me the first time.  *sigh*  Anyway, earlier today, after a very uncomfortable trip to the grocery store that involved an older man who felt the need to follow me and comment on my children's every move, and continue to ask my 3 year old if he was old enough to be driving that police car or if he had stolen it (the cart was shaped like a police car) I managed to escape and I got what I needed and headed home only to realize my groove had been lost.  Lost worse than Stella's.  Seriously!!!  Only problem?  I don't think I can get it back. Yep, that's right!  Never ever!!  It's ruined my routine!  My Number 1 happy thing is what we call in our house 

THE DRAWER

We all have them in our fridge but how we utilize them can be very different.  I don't use them for their intended purpose.  My bottom 2 drawers are used as a convenience tool.  The drawer on the left is the most important.  It saves me a lot of ups and downs.  It holds every kid friendly drink.  I know it sounds silly that this makes me happy but if this didn't exist I would be getting up and down a hundred times a day.  All I used to here before "THE DRAWER" was "mommmmm, I'm thirsty!!"  Then I would have to get up and get them drinks.  Now they just get in their drawer and get it themselves and the most I have to do is open it.  They know that that drawer is full of all kid friendly drinks and they can have their pick!  This is "THE DRAWER"

The unfortunate groove losing problem is really horrible!!  When restocking "THE DRAWER" I like to use an assembly line method.  I just rip the side flap open pass it to a kid and a kid just dumps it in.  TODAY that all changed with Capri Sun's redesign.  Apparently they have made them into easy to open fridge packs. 

I HATE THEM!!

They are NOT easy to open and I have no desire to stick a whole box of juice on some random shelf.  Why? I know you are dying to know!  I won't because when the box is empty who is going to find it empty and be stuck throwing it away?  That's right!  ME!  Also, this has ruined my whole assembly line!  Do you know how long it took me to get the "perforated lines" to separate? Do you know the definition for Perforation is?

"a method of making individual stamps, coupons, etc, easily separable by punching holes along their margins"

 This was not easy!  It was 20 minutes of punching and cussing and scaring the crap out of my kids because of the psychosis that was caused in trying to get this damn box open!!  Seriously, Capri Sun, why???  

Here is the box::

Ummmm......so this turned into something different than I had planned.  Sorry about that.  I will share the rest of my weird "likes" in another blog.  Sneak peak?  Thing number 2 is BOWLS!!  Admit it, you're intrigued now aren't you??  haha

This weeks wrap up is brought to you by China...

...Or just inspired by the place.

#1.  I think my 7 year old son understands economics better than some of our elected officials.  This was a proud moment and quite a disturbing moment all in one.  We sat down for a meal today at one of my fave BBQ joints and Shane was wearing an American Flag pin.  He took the pin off his shirt and with most obnoxious, and embarrassingly, loud voice he exclaimed to the whole restaurant

 "What the heck is going on here??  I am wearing this AMERICAN flag pin and on it, it says "made in china".  What is wrong with this place?  Shouldn't our country be makin' these darn flag pins in our own country??  Don't they know China isn't the only place with the right tools??  I bet there's a lot of people who would love to make flag pins right here in Texas!!  Mom, why don't the make them here?  Is China the boss or something?"

Yeah, I was dumbfounded.  Why is it that a 7 year old asks all of the right questions but will probably never have an opportunity to receive an honest answer.  I am very proud to say he is our future America.  Even if I was a little embarrassed by very loud, Loud, LOUD manner he made his proclamation in.  At least he has a voice and an opinion AND as long as his opinion is the same as mine I will keep him! LOL 

Here is something to think about though!  haha

bahahaha

#2.  SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER!!  Yep!  I'm excited.  I won't have to hit a snooze button 5 days a week!  I won't have to be held back by a stupid school schedule.  I can go whenever I want!  OH SWEET FREEEEEEEDOM!!!!!!  We celebrated by having some FroYo at Nikki's.  I love taking the kids there.  It's easy.  We do it ourselves and the cashier isn't staring at us waiting for our order from 2 very indecisive children.  Seriously, ordering from a restaurant is a disaster if these kids have too many choices.  Half the time their empty little heads ignore the choices I give them and order something completely off the wall that isn't even on the menu.  We don't go to sit down restaurants with our kids without being prepared to leave a very large and gracious tip.  


#3.  You know you have reached the peak of motherhood when your kid screams "I HATE YOU" twice in one week.  That's right folks!  I have finally been given the best compliment a mother can receive from her child!  "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" Yep, I am on the right parenting track.  I know some of you may be jealous that you haven't made it to my level yet.  Once you do though...sigh....it's like you know....you just know you have finally perfected your job!  It's like reaching the peak of Mt. Everest and if you could breathe that high up you would suck in every last ounce of fresh air, bask in the glory, and scream from your highest point at the top of your lungs "I DID IT, I MADE IT, I'VE ARRIVED and MY GOAL HAS BEEN ACHIEVED!!!!!!"   I'm so proud of myself I think I just wiped a tear.  Could have been sweat though, never know with these pregnancy hot flashes....


#4.  The baby countdown has officially begun!  Yesterday I reached the "100 days left" mark and today, well, obviously I only have 99 days until my due date.  Why is it we get pregnancy amnesia?  Seems like we complain the whole pregnancy and then miss it when it's gone.  Hormones are a terrible, terrible joke.  I don't think it's "Auntie Flo" that is our curse from Eve, I this it's the hormones that cause all of this!!  I am so freakin' miserable but I know the moment I get this baby in my house I am going to be wishing I wouldn't have rushed it and praying for the clouds to part, and the sun to shine through and a miracle that results in a newborn that sleeps through the night and I'll be crying to God, "Please Lord, just put her back!!!"  I guess we can't put them back because God knows it's all crazy talk by overly hormonal women!  I won't even start with the horrible cravings that make that whole "you only need to gain 20-25 lbs" theory a very unreachable!  As if we don't feel bad enough about ourselves when we aren't knocked up, we should torture ourselves more by having giant bellies.  OH and lets subject ourselves to constant weighting and ridicule about what goes into our bodies.  ICK!  Enough about all of this...it turned sour LOL


#5.  My 3 year old little darling is an artist!  He has been creating masterpieces for the last week.  It's not just any kind of fabulous 3 yr old artwork.  He is going above and beyond and making his Mommy beautiful murals!!  Isn't that great??  I love his artistic talent but I hate it being displayed via crayon on dry wall.  I wish he would let me decide myself where I want to display his talent!  I'm thinking I am going to only buy crayons, markers and colored pencils that are the same shade as the paint on our walls.  It's either that, or chalkboard paint every wall and piece of furniture in our home, or possibly chop off his tiny, adorable, yet oh SO destructive little fingers!

Well, that's this weeks wrap up!  Not the most exciting but we made it our alive and (for the most part) that is something to write home about!   

A Little bit of Hospital Fun...

So, I broke down and went to the hospital.  Nothing like a little visit to "L&D".  The place where it's all questions full of initials that make me say "HUH?" So then they have to repeat it using the full term and waste their breathe.  Oh and being the wonderful patient that I am, I usually say "HUH?" even if I know what they are saying.  I know, I know, all of my nurse friends are flipping me the bird right now! 

Crap!  Sorry, wrong "bird" ;)

Yeah, that's right!  I am one giant ball of fun at the hospital!!  Seriously though!  The questions asked are quite funny and I can't help but be kind of an ass.  This is a real life conversation heard at the desk from my little curtained room.  (I love those rooms, you can hear EVERYTHING) Labor and Delivery has an intercom system.  If you are in need of medical attention or just visiting a laboring mommy you ring the buzzer outside of the door and then they figure out why you're there and decide if they want to let you in. LOL

BUZZZZZZZZZ....

Nurse::Yes, can I help you?

Lady::Yes, I'm in labor.

Nurse::How do you know?

Lady::My water broke.

Nurse::Okay, come on in.

(((LADY WADDLES IN)))

Nurse::Are you sure you're water broke?

Lady::Yes, I'm sure.

Nurse::How do you know?

Lady::Because there's a huge gushing puddle on your floor outside of that door....

Nurse::Well, okay then.  Welcome to L&D.

Oh and if conversations like that aren't enough to make you sit in your room, roll your eyes and snicker all in one, well, there's always the humor that your own family brings when they accompany you in your room.  While I am changing into my gown and peeing in my little cup, Heath takes the boys for a snack and a drink.  When they come back, the above mentioned lady from the dumbest conversation I've heard in a while was occupying the curtained room next to me.  Apparently the kids and Heath failed to remember my "room" and also assumed that I was still the only person there so they went ahead and barged on in on the lady in labor.  Hunter went running in WHILE the woman was being checked for dilation.  Yea...it was like on of those "That awkward moment when" meme's. 

Awkward Moment number 2,000,000,001

Your kid runs into a hospital room of a lady spread eagle on a hospital bed and yells 

"OHHHH NOOOOOO!!!! YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY!!!

DADDY, THAT'S THE WRONG MOMMY"

as if he knows what HIS mommy should look like spread eagle on a hospital bed.

Anyway, after all that it turns out it is just a bad case of bronchitis.  They could only give me breathing treatments and send me away to buy some Robitussin because there is nothing safe for pregnant broads to take.  So looks like I will live in misery for a while longer.  Isn't being a parent great?! *please note sarcasm*

Heaven and Hell

It's Mother's day!!  A day ALLLLLLLLLL ABOUT MEEEEEEEE!!!  Well, kinda.  My job must still go on even on a holiday dedicated to me.  My job is being a Mom.  So, like any good mom I did the basics.  Fed them, watered them, and last but certainly not least, kept them alive.  You know the drill, "If the kids are alive at 5"!  It's my motto!  I think I may make it my company mission statement.  

I actually did have a fabulous day.  The house is a mess, laundry is everywhere, the kids spent the day acting like rotten little hooligans but  I am sitting here smiling about my day.  Raising kids is pretty awesome.  I am so glad that this is my daily life.  Even if sometimes it is horrifying and irritating.  I am happy with the good and bad of motherhood.  I would not change a thing.  My kids are little balls of personality oozing shit, grins and giggles.  It's Heaven and Hell all wrapped up in one and you are traveling back and forth quite a few times with in a matter of seconds.

What part is Heaven and what part is Hell?

Heaven::My 7 year old making me a coupon Mother's Day card filled with little flowers and each flower has a coupon in it.  One says "take out the trash" another "hang up clothes" and so on.  It's beautiful and sweet and I was so happy to get it. 

Hell:: My 7 yr old made me a Mother's Day card filled with little flowers and each flower has a coupon in it.  One says "take out the trash" another "hang up clothes" and so on.   After he gave it to me and said "I hope you love it mama" and then hugged and kissed me, I opened it, read it and told him I really did love it.  What followed shocked me...  He looked at me and said "are you going to use the coupons???"  I said "well of course" and he replied "GOOD!  You have to pay me to do each thing on the coupon or they are void"  

Wait.....WHAT???? 

Heaven:::My 3 year old came up to me and said " I love you mama.  Wanna snuggle?"  Of course I want to snuggle.  We gotta take what we can get from him, he doesn't like to be all loving.  So I take advantage and enjoy the few moments when he does!

Hell:::My 3 year old came up to me and said " I love you mama.  Wanna snuggle?" Then after I get him in my lap he says "okay but only if I can play angry birds on your phone!" 

THANKS! BRAT!

Heaven:::Putting your kids in bed for the night and them saying "sweet dreams, Mom. Love you, Mom!" at the same time. 

Hell:::Putting your kids in bed for the night and them saying "sweet dreams, Mom. Love you, Mom!" at the same time.  THEN, they start fighting over who loves me more and why and then screaming follows with a loud crash and a bang and then of course a little crying and a bunch of "leave me alone's" and "I hate you's"

OMG!  JUST GO TO SLEEP!!

Yep, it's the best of both worlds.  A little bit of Heaven and a little bit of Hell but a whole lot of love!! When you have as much love, happiness and Heaven as our family does you can ignore the little bit Hell the accompanies us from day to day.  I couldn't ask for better kids, or a better life.  I'm not even sure that such a thing exists and I don't want to waste a second trying to find out!  

Mommy loves you sweet boys!!!!!!  (She loves you even more now that you've actually fallen asleep hehehe)

  

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL YOU MY FELLOW MOM'S OUT THERE!!!

High Five Friday!!

Well, this week has had it's ups and downs.  I had written about one of the downs in my previous blog post.  So,  I think this one will be my weeks highlights.  We can call it Friday's high 5!  haha

You totally did it, didn't you?? hehehe

1.  Heath got to come home for a day last week.  YES, 1 WHOLE DAY! LOL  I'm sure your are thinking "wow...a day.. let us know when he he is home a little longer and the we will cheer for you"  haha This was special for us because Hunter's birthday was on the 4th and Heath almost didn't get to come home for a whole other week.  Then we got a phone call on the 5th and he said to get our butts to Dallas and get him!  So we left, picked him up and got home at midnight.  I whipped up a birthday cake for Hunter Sunday morning and we actually got to have a family birthday for my sweet 3 yr old!!  I have to admit, I was nervous about the short amount of time I had to put the cake together but for a last minute bake off and for an amateur I think it turned out pretty decent.  Hunter has been crying for a "Mickey Cake" since Shane had his birthday in January.  So here is is!

Not great but Hunter LOVED it and I know he did because he isn't to that age yet where he tries to NOT hurt my feelings. LOL

2.  My oldest child thinks I am a psychotic animal murderer!!!!  On our drive from Abilene to Dallas we were driving along and we were just passed Eastland when I saw something in the road.  I swerved to miss it and Shane says, in his most obnoxious, I know everything, voice "Ummm...Mom, why did you just swerve as if you don't know how to drive?"  To which I reply "Excuse me young man, that tone of voice is unacceptable!  I swerved because there was a turtle in the road!"  Too which HE replies "UGH!  GEEEEEZ!!!!!  WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU BE SO MEAN AND TRY TO KILL A POOR TURTLE!!"  Me, as shocked and sarcastic as possible, replied::" Really Shane?  Really??  That's what you took from that explanation?  Yes, every time I swerve it is to KILL the animal.  Get real, hitting a turtle with my car would not leave it in tact enough for me to turn it into soup!  DUH!"  He finally shut up!!

3.  We went to May Farm for Shane's end of the year field trip.  Being there always makes me hungry!!   I see the cows and chickens, turkeys and pigs and all I can think is "DINNER!!!"  Stop wrinkling your nose in horror!  Next time you go to a farm you will think of this post and get hungry too!  Anyway,  when it was time for the kids to learn about the cow Ms. May informed the kids that the lipstick mommy wears on her lips comes from cows.  Shane asked me never to kiss his cheeks with my cow lips again!! LOL

4.  I have made a few surprising threats this passed week.  I threatened to take away my children's bed because they weren't sleeping like I told then too.  Then I threatened to chop off their tongues when they started fighting.  After that I threatened to take away all of their clothes except underwear because they wouldn't put them in the dirty clothes.  After that I informed Hunter I would pull all of his teeth because he wouldn't stop brushing them.  My favorite for the week though is when I told them I was going to take them to the park and leave them with a "Free to a good home" sign.  I actually made the sign and showed them.  It didn't seem to phase them though.....they both went and put their shoes on and asked if they could take their bikes.  Little brats are starting to call my bluff!!  

5.  Even after all of the above mentioned threats, I was still called "THE BEST MOM EVER!!!"  I can only figure one of two reasons behind that compliment from my children.  One, they are scared I will actually follow through with those threats or, reason two being, they really DON'T listen to a word that comes out of my mouth so they never heard the awful things I said to begin with.  HAHA

Wish I would have though to do this first. LOL

If you have to justify, it's probably a lie...

We can con ourselves better than anybody.  All of the alibis, excuses, and justifications are nothing but us scamming ourselves.  Lord help us all if we have to lie to ourselves or try and justify our actions by making excuses.  It's sad when we do this to ourselves and to others.  Recently I was sent a text message from someone disowning me as family.  I hold no grudges.  I know what I said was hurtful to their immediate family. I spoke what was in my heart and what I felt was right.  They were angered by my comments and that's okay with me.  I'm not one to sugar coat anything just to make someone feel better and I don't only say things people want to hear.  I won't agree with you just because you are blood related to me.  If I think you're wrong then I say it.  However it's only MY opinion and you don't have to accept it or like it but "disowning" me for it?  Well, that's childish and attitudes like that are the simple reason why more than just me have the same opinion about you and your immediate family, (or compound or commune or whatever you want to call that odd living arrangement). A woman pushing 50 who is attempting to  threatening me via text, and disowning me, which by the way is the dumbest term as you never "owned" me to begin with, from 900 miles away does nothing for me.  Okay, that's a lie.  It saddens me.  It is sad that you are a role model for young children.  It's sad that my children have been in your care too.  My heart aches for those who don't understand the concept of confronting an issue.  I was busy when I got this particular text and informed this person of that.  I did offer to call today when I had time.  I no longer have the energy to get angry, make threats and yell.  I am willing to discuss a problem like an adult though.  However this particular act is lost on some people.  This all boils down to being a parent and how a person cares for their children.


Have you ever wanted to knock some sense into someone with a "Parenting for Dummies" book?  How hard is it to spend time with your kids?  Is it hard to put them first? Make them a priority?  Make them your life?  They are only kids for a short period.  Yes, we all need a break from being a parent.  Like once or twice a month.  It is hard work being a constant in someones life and it can be draining.  When you are a divorced parent things are even more draining at times.  Does anyone stop and think about it from a kids point of view though.  Having two homes, 2 sets of clothes, 2 sets of toys, only seeing parents on certain holidays, getting passed back and forth ALL.THE.TIME.  It's not a walk in the park for them either.  So having a schedule and sticking with it is what is best for the children, in my opinion.  They at least know what's coming.  Can someone please tell me what is so hard about scheduling your party time AROUND your children instead of scheduling your children AROUND your party time.  You can't bs me with this.  I see the pics all the time of drinking and listening to bands.  I have heard the complaints from people who have said you are always looking for a sitter when you have those kids.  Then I get this text out of the blue informing me that they wanted me to know that this person had their kids last weekend.  Ummm....

BIG FREAKING DEAL!!!

I have my kids every weekend, and a lot of time alone.  I have my kids all week too.  I also enjoy it.  They are not a burden on me and even though I wouldn't mind getting out of the house on occasion I will put them first.  Am I perfect? NOPE.  Do I make an effort though?  I do, with every part of me.  I will give anything to be the best mom I can be and I will forfeit what I have to in order to provide for them.  Whether that be a crazy multi colored hair style in order to get a job, or my weekend nights out in order to spend time being the mom they need.  I truly love and adore my babies with every single ounce of love I can squeeze out!  So when I get a text proclaiming a great example of parenting in a smart ass way I have to question the motive and I get angered.  It hurts my heart that someone is proud to proclaim that they FINALLY had their kids for a weekend.  Especially when I have a man in my life who  does EVERYTHING for us!  He took my oldest child in when his father abandoned him.  He insures him, feeds him, clothes him, puts a roof over his head, gives him love.  A LOT of love!  He is my oldest child's daddy and has been since he was 2.  He has also blessed me with 2 more children one whom he adores and another we haven't yet got to meet.  He works out of town and works a lot of 80 hour work weeks and he doesn't get to see his babies all the time and when he does there is joy in his eyes, his very beautiful, tired eyes.  When he has to leave them again you can see the joy fade and the tears replace it.  I can feel his heart break when he walks out of the door.  
So, do I have sympathy for you and your "family" when you can't find a sitter?  Nope.  Do I feel joy when you decide to take the kids?  Nope. Do I feel guilty for making a comment about your drama?  No.  Do I feel for the mom working a full time job to provide for them?  Yes.  Am I friends with her?  Yes.  Why? because we are grown ups and I love her children.  How can I love someones children and have hatred for their parents?  I can't.  I still love all parties involved even if they "disowned me" or whatever.  I don't have to like them or respect the choices they make though.  


Oh and while I'm on the subject of poor choices, I have one final thing to say, partying all night and into the morning, drinking, smoking, doing drugs and picking fights with people is all a life style.  Being a Christian is too.  They are not lifestyles that go hand in hand though.  So, don't do all of the above mentions activities and then post Quotes from the Bible the next day when your hungover.  It makes you look like a fool.

The Reign of Terror Ends

But don't worry, I am confident a new era of Terror shall begin!!

OOPS!! SORRY, WRONG "REIGN OF TERROR" PIC.  THAT'S FOR ANOTHER TOPIC.  HAHA

Birthdays are so bittersweet.  I love watching my babies grow and learn new things and engage in new experiences but I hate that my babies are growing so fast!  My kids are my world.  As crazy and frustrating as they are!  Today ends the reign of terror.  The horrible but oh so funny "Terrible Two's"  are over and the "Tenacious Three's" are beginning.  The worst part?  My "Terrible Two's" album on facebook will come to an end.  I guess we can move on to an album of three's?  I'm sure the horrific life this kid thinks he leads will go on and he will continue to have huge tantrums and make the most pathetic, and sad faces anyone has ever seen in their whole entire lives.  He rules the roost when it comes to sad faces.  You'd think the kid just watched his favorite stuffed armapillow (armadillo, for those of you who don't know that my kid cannot pronounce ANYTHING! LOL) get mutilated by a pack of rabid wild dogs!!  Or, as we call them here in Texas, Chupacabras.  So in honor of the 2's ending I have put together some of Hunter's top "Terrible 2" moments:::::::

Could the child look anymore horrified??  I love these pictures!  They make me smile.  He is so full of wit and charm but when he is upset, Y'all better run!!!!!! LOL  

I am really looking forward to our year ahead.  I think the Tenacious Three's will be even better!  Gotta have faith right??  hehehe  He will be learning more and more and I cannot wait to see what direction his personality will take.  I just love watching my kids change and become their own person.  I have been very blessed with 2 great kids and the opportunity to watch them grow!  As frustrating as it is to stay at home sometimes, I couldn't imagine missing some of the adventures and all of the fun that happens in our home.  Oh and the tantrums....THEY ARE THE BEST!  

So, wish us all luck as we venture on to a new age with new trials, and new obstacles.  Hopefully some of you will get to be a part of them!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUNTER!!!!  I LOVE YOU MY SWEET, ROTTEN, IRRESISTIBLY CUTE BOY!!!!