What to Expect. Pregnancy's Untold Aftermath. Chapter 2.

So, where did we leave off last time?  The controversial food before one issue?  I think so!  Okay, I went and checked.  I was right.  If you missed chapter 1, click here

CHAPTER 2

Let's move on to the second part of babyhood!  There is so much going on here!  This is when things start to get a little interesting.  

So, your baby is pushing teeth through, huh?  You think "Wow, my poor baby is in so much pain.  I think I will rub some oragel on his/her gums, and then give some ibuprofin."

This is where the Cascade Kitchen Counselor comes in and says "WAIT".  You know the commercial I'm talking about!  

Only this time, It is the "Baby Know it All Counselor".  You will hear from them "Don't give your baby Oragel, they will choke and die!  You're imagining that scene from Mean Girls aren't you?

Also, let's not forget about the Motrin issue!  Oh, you're asking "What Motrin Issue?"  You know the issue, it is a drug!  It is not natural, it is not organic and well, lets face it.  Your baby will take this unhealthy drug, get some form of an illness and DIE!  

So, how does one respond to *these* comments?

"If you don't shut your mouth, you may get bitch slapped and DIE!  Hold on while I first run out and grab a handful of all natural poison ivy to shove down your throat!  Oh, and don't reach for the benadryl to help with the itching.  It's not natural and will kill you."

Next up is this fun conversation:

You are minding your own business, walking through the park, trying to enjoy the day.  Your little sweet pea is in a stroller. You run into a group of moms.  All of which seem to be "wearing" their babies.  They all look at you.  You think, "Oh moms with babies my age.  I'm going to introduce myself.
 They seem nice.  You park your stroller and lift your 9 month old out with a struggling sigh.  Let's face it, they start getting heavy at this age.  

Then it happens.  The snarky comment.  

"So, you never wear your baby?  Don't you know how much easier it makes life? Don't you understand that your baby needs this bonding time?  Have you heard of the blah blah blah wrap, or the your failing at motherhood for not baby wearing wrap?  They are great!  You should try it.  You can get so much done if you wear your baby!  You don't have to watch them 24/7 and you can give your precious little one the love and security they crave!"

Every time I hear these lines all that goes through my mind is "CULT! RUNNNNN!!!!"

BUT, How do you respond?  

"Thanks for the advice I didn't ask for!  It's appreciated!  However, I wore my baby for 9 months.  That was enough.  Now I am wearing a really cute top!  A top that I have been busting my behind to fit in to for the last 9 months and DAMMIT, the world is going to see it!  It was nice meeting you all  but I need to go before one of your wraps ends up around your mouth or neck."

GASP 

Omg!  Your baby's finally walking?  That's amazing!  How excited you must be.  Walking at 1 is a great accomplishment.  My baby was just around 9 months though.  Some are just faster learners I guess.  Walking at the age of 1 is average though.  So good for your little one!!  Mine was also saying 30 words at 9 months, giving high fives, whistling and singing the alphabet, and adding double digit numbers!  Oh did I mention she was also learning to sign and go on the potty too?  Oh man, did you childproof your house yet??  Don't forget to do that.  It's so important to keep your mobile children safe!!  Oh, come over and I will show you my technique!"  

Yep!  We all hear it from these "moms"!  The bragging the comparisons and the baby proofing advice!

How to respond? 

"I'm so sorry that you were so busy stressing over training your baby to be a circus act and going crazy childproofing your house that you actually missed out on your baby's childhood.  That must be painful for you!  I always appreciate it when people teach me what NOT to do.  It's a different but appreciated approach.  I love learning from others mistakes.  Please, tell me more!!"  

Well, this concludes Chapter 2.  I hope you have learned some valuable information and some creative ways to respond to just a few of the the things that will be said in an effort to make you feel like shit!  

To Be Continued......