An Open Letter to Miley Cyrus

An open letter to Miley Cyrus::

totally normal and not creepy at all......

Dear Miley,

I heard that your performance was meant as a sort of a "Shock and Awe" tactic.  While I appreciate your war on your alter ego, Hannah Montana, I do not appreciate being one of your casualties.  

My poor eyes are still burning from the bomb you dropped during the VMAs last night.  I know you want to change your image.  I know you want people to quit looking at you as Hannah Montana.  I know being 20 is confusing.  You should try and enjoy it though.  Look at poor Taylor Swift.  She is at the ripe old age of 23 and already singing songs and reminiscing about being 22 again.  Your youth, as confusing and frustrating as it may be, is something worth preserving.  After last nights performance, are you really going to want to remember it in say, 30 or 40 years....

Actually, after last nights performance, I have to question if you will actually be around that long.  I can only figure that a young woman with her tongue hanging out like a rabid dog, dancing her way out of a teddy bears stomach, is on some sort of drugs.  I'm guessing acid because, Guuuuuurrrllll, you be trippin' if you think that your performance was stage worthy.

Omg!!  What was with that teddy bear ensemble?  Was it supposed to be a cute play on you wearing a "Teddy", and being sexy?  I'm pretty confident the only people you have officially attracted are child molesters, and possibly one or two sleazy, fetish, porn directors.  Let's face it, neither of them are an accomplishment to brag about. If it were me, I would get back in the giant teddy bear, curl up, and pray for the zombie apocalypse to come.  I would rather have my face ripped to shreds by zombies than show it in public again.

What bothers me even more is, I really liked that song you opened with.  Well, until last night.  Now I keep having nightmares about giant, alien, teddy bears giving birth via c-section to mini, crazy Miley's.  Seriously, it's like that bear gave birth to the next leader of the planet "Bearscaria", and all of the bears are your followers, and you have them brainwashed, and they are your army of giant minions that are here to help you take over planet Earth in an evil plot make us all sink to your level of bad hair, and lack of any sort of style.  Out with jeans and t-shirts and in with creepy teddy bear onesies.  Thanks to you, I want to burn every poor, innocent teddy bear in our home.  

I also need to ask why you felt the need to force that poor woman to wear a bear head on her back, wear the tightest striped pants, and throw stuff into the crowd, all while you sexually harassed her, beat her, and then shoved your face in her ass.  I really hope you consider paying for her therapy.  

Should we even discuss the foam finger your donned on your hand and used to molest yourself?  It looked like you were waving an oven mitt around, and every time you used it to rub your crotch, I thought maybe you were checking to see if the yeast had risen and the bread was done down there. These images will forever be burned into my head.  I feel victimized, and dirty.  If Lady GaGa and Marilyn Manson had a daughter, she would put on a less disturbing performance than you did.  

I'm sad for you, and for those poor violated teddy bears.  Oh and Will Smith, and his kids, and my kids, and me, and the entire population that still has their sight and a tv.  For crying out loud sweetie, if you are sick of your Hannah Montana, Disney star image, that's one thing but don't punish the rest of us because you took a very character defining role.  Get your shit together and put on your big girl panties, suck it up, and MOVE THE EFF ON withOUT violating our eyes.  Even my daughter, who happened to walked passed the computer as her father was watching a replay of your performance, was disgusted....my ONE.YEAR.OLD.  A child whose activities include, pooping and peeing on herself, eating food off the floor, and chewing on shoes.  She looked at you like you were a damn fool.  I even took a picture.

"omg!!!  what is she doing to that poor teddy bear?"

Oh, and one last thing Ms. Cyrus.  You are white and have no junk in the trunk.  Stop acting like you can run all over the stage twerking.  It's an embarrassment.  Just let the girls who got it, flaunt it.

Sincerely,

Tia

Story of a Girl