This is the REAL Me....are you brave enough to be the real you?

I don't think that I have been completely open and honest to all of you.  Actually, I don't think you all have been open and honest with me.  Better yet, now that I think about it, I don't think we are open and honest with anyone....not even ourselves.  It's sad really.  The lives we lead, or in some cases "pretend" to lead.  Why do we have to put on this grand show of how fabulous of a life we are living?  Why can't we be honest with people?  Why is it that when someone asks "how are you?"  An automatic response is "Just fine, and yourself?"  That response is usually on a good day.  On a particularly bad day, a lot of us will say "I'm great!!!!!!!  How are you today?"

Deep down, nothing is great.  We can pretend it is but we all have problems.  We all have something going on in our lives that we just want to hide from.  We are all "fine".  Some of us are even "GREAT!".

Why?  Why are we ashamed to be anything other than fine or great?  If someone doesn't want to know how we are, they should not ask at all.  Honestly, I have worked customer service my whole life, and never once did I ask how someone was without expecting to hear an honest answer.  If I didn't want to hear about someones day, good or bad, I wouldn't ask.


People are always asking me how I am.  Now I plan on answering.


I am a disaster.
I am a mom of 3 tiny terrorists who drive me into a corner.  Once I am in that corner, I rock...back and forth, back and forth.
I am a girlfriend.  NOT a wife.  A Girlfriend.  I don't want to be a wife right now for many reasons. One being,
I am a divorce'
Why?  Because my ex-husband was a delusional drunk who beat me, belittled me, chased me around with a knife, and tried to "get the demons from my body".  He got help...help provided my the United States Air Force not once, but TWICE.  No lie folks!  Once he woke me up to tell me that he had a huge secret to tell me and that he wasn't allowed to tell anyone else and that I needed to "keep my lips ZIPPED".  The secret you ask?  Great question.  The secret was that he was a top secret write for the hit show (at the time) According to Jim.

PRETTY SURE YOU ALL HAVE THE SAME DUMBFOUNDED LOOK AS I DID WHEN I HEARD THE BIG SECRET.....

*please note: this persons name is not being spoken.  Addiction is serious and I pray everyday for healing and guidance for this person.  Regardless of the actions that were taken.  If you are someone with an addiction please seek help.  There is a wealth of information out there.  One being 24 hour Addiction Help.  There is NO shame in asking for help.  

I am depressed.
I am anxious.
I am OCD.  A lot of people don't completely understand OCD.  Most people thing it's compulsive organization and cleaning.  That's not all it is.  I am not that kind of OCD.  I have severe anxiety over germs.   I freak out.  I have more that 1 bottle of hand sanitizer at my disposal, at all times.  I'm terrified of germs.  I can't stand the though of touching a door knob without using sanitizer after.  I wash my hand while cooking if I touch anything.  I can't stand the thought of toilets spraying all over, and if somebody sneezes, well, I have to do my best to be polite and hold in my gag reflexes.  I won't take a nice hot bath WITHOUT cleaning my tub first.  My tub gets cleaned daily.  BEFORE washing my hands in a public restroom I make sure the paper towels are pushed down.  JUST.IN.CASE.  After my hands are washed and I'm out of the bathroom I immediately use my sanitizer.  My hands get dry...they crack...they bleed....they hurt BUT the thought of them having germs hurts more.

I am mental illness.  I am okay with that.  I'm "coping".
I am hurting.
I am in pain.
I am even occasionally suicidal.
I am overbearing, have a jealous streak, and cry whether I'm happy or sad.

I am me.  I am a mess.  I am learning to be okay with that.  You may read this and think I am crazy!  That's okay....I am.  My question back is "Who are you?" and "Are you brave enough to share who you are in the comment section?"

I WANT to know how you are.  Are you brave enough to share that?  Do you have questions for me?  I want our relationship to be open and honest.  You need to know that I struggle too.  My life is far from perfect and I will not judge you for that.  I am over being a judgmental bitch.  Let's help each other.

CRAZY MOMS UNITE!!  

Now, go!  Write about who you are.  Share your blog link in the comments after you do.  Don't blog?  Share with me in the comment section.  This is your place to share the secret you!  

I feel this way A LOT.  If you do too, you are NOT alone!