Prize: Choice of 1 Funny Coffee Cup and 12oz. Bag of Starbucks Coffee
Who doesn't love coffee? Well, I'm sure there may be a few, but for those of us who do love it also love our coffee mugs! This Giveaway is a great opportunity for you to win a funny mug AND coffee!
The winner of this giveaway will get to choose of the three mugs below.
They also get a bag of the Starbucks Coffee shown below.
How cool is that? I know, pretty cool!
Enter the Rafflecopter below for your chance to win!
Open to Residents of the Continental US Only. Prizes cannot be shipped to PO Boxes.
Winner will be selected by Random.org and be notified by email. Winners have 48 hours to respond before a new winner is selected. Please note that Funny Postpartum Lady is responsible for the shipment of this prize.
The product provided for the review was free of charge from the company. The product offered for the giveaway is free of charge; no purchase necessary. My opinions are my own and were not influenced by any form of compensation. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and Google+ are in no way associated with this giveaway. By providing your information in this form, you are providing your information to me and me alone.
I do not share or sell information and will use any information only for the purpose of contacting the winner.
Wow, has it really been a year since I started this little blog? Well it's been quite the adventure since I wrote that first post, and I'm so thankful to you all for sticking with me!
To celebrate my 1 year blogiversary I have teamed up with some awesome bloggers to give away $300 CASH!
That's right, one lucky winner is going shopping on us!
Please stop by to thank my wonderful friends for this awesome giveaway and don't forget to enter through the rafflecopter below!!
Winner will be selected by Random.org and be notified by email. Winners have 48 hours to respond before a new winner is selected. Please note that That Suburban Momma is responsible for the sending of this prize through Paypal.
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and Google+ are in no way associated with this giveaway. By providing your information in this form, you are providing your information to me and me alone.
I do not share or sell information and will use any information only for the purpose of contacting the winner.
I heard that your performance was meant as a sort of a "Shock and Awe" tactic. While I appreciate your war on your alter ego, Hannah Montana, I do not appreciate being one of your casualties.
My poor eyes are still burning from the bomb you dropped during the VMAs last night. I know you want to change your image. I know you want people to quit looking at you as Hannah Montana. I know being 20 is confusing. You should try and enjoy it though. Look at poor Taylor Swift. She is at the ripe old age of 23 and already singing songs and reminiscing about being 22 again. Your youth, as confusing and frustrating as it may be, is something worth preserving. After last nights performance, are you really going to want to remember it in say, 30 or 40 years....
Actually, after last nights performance, I have to question if you will actually be around that long. I can only figure that a young woman with her tongue hanging out like a rabid dog, dancing her way out of a teddy bears stomach, is on some sort of drugs. I'm guessing acid because, Guuuuuurrrllll, you be trippin' if you think that your performance was stage worthy.
Omg!! What was with that teddy bear ensemble? Was it supposed to be a cute play on you wearing a "Teddy", and being sexy? I'm pretty confident the only people you have officially attracted are child molesters, and possibly one or two sleazy, fetish, porn directors. Let's face it, neither of them are an accomplishment to brag about. If it were me, I would get back in the giant teddy bear, curl up, and pray for the zombie apocalypse to come. I would rather have my face ripped to shreds by zombies than show it in public again.
What bothers me even more is, I really liked that song you opened with. Well, until last night. Now I keep having nightmares about giant, alien, teddy bears giving birth via c-section to mini, crazy Miley's. Seriously, it's like that bear gave birth to the next leader of the planet "Bearscaria", and all of the bears are your followers, and you have them brainwashed, and they are your army of giant minions that are here to help you take over planet Earth in an evil plot make us all sink to your level of bad hair, and lack of any sort of style. Out with jeans and t-shirts and in with creepy teddy bear onesies. Thanks to you, I want to burn every poor, innocent teddy bear in our home.
I also need to ask why you felt the need to force that poor woman to wear a bear head on her back, wear the tightest striped pants, and throw stuff into the crowd, all while you sexually harassed her, beat her, and then shoved your face in her ass. I really hope you consider paying for her therapy.
Should we even discuss the foam finger your donned on your hand and used to molest yourself? It looked like you were waving an oven mitt around, and every time you used it to rub your crotch, I thought maybe you were checking to see if the yeast had risen and the bread was done down there. These images will forever be burned into my head. I feel victimized, and dirty. If Lady GaGa and Marilyn Manson had a daughter, she would put on a less disturbing performance than you did.
I'm sad for you, and for those poor violated teddy bears. Oh and Will Smith, and his kids, and my kids, and me, and the entire population that still has their sight and a tv. For crying out loud sweetie, if you are sick of your Hannah Montana, Disney star image, that's one thing but don't punish the rest of us because you took a very character defining role. Get your shit together and put on your big girl panties, suck it up, and MOVE THE EFF ON withOUT violating our eyes. Even my daughter, who happened to walked passed the computer as her father was watching a replay of your performance, was disgusted....my ONE.YEAR.OLD. A child whose activities include, pooping and peeing on herself, eating food off the floor, and chewing on shoes. She looked at you like you were a damn fool. I even took a picture.
"omg!!! what is she doing to that poor teddy bear?"
Oh, and one last thing Ms. Cyrus. You are white and have no junk in the trunk. Stop acting like you can run all over the stage twerking. It's an embarrassment. Just let the girls who got it, flaunt it.
Hunter is a very interesting little boy. I think you will find that you have your hands full with him.
He is obnoxiously cute, has the personality of a college frat boy, and can throw a mean tantrum when told "no." No instructions come to mind for that. Sorry.
If you really want to make his eyes light up, help him make a Wipeout course. He will be your Best Friend for Life!
He also dances. He LOVES to dance. He can do a mean "Robot," break dance,and even spin in circle until YOU'RE dizzy. Watch him around the girls though, he likes to shake his booty.
If he happens to fall during one of his dances, cheer and clap! He loves the attention, and will forget he is hurt. Also, falling children proved good comic relief for everyone.
The only other instruction for caring for one of my children is, have a sense of humor, be medicated, or drink. All three work for me.
Good Luck
and
Best Wishes
Feel free to send a wine or chocolate list home at Christmas. Any teacher of Hunter's deserves a treat =)
Sincerely,
Tia
PS. I blog. This may be in there along with anything else you do that seems amusing. www.mypleasantnighmare.com
I would like to apologize for tonight's meeting. My family and I may have *possibly* misrepresented ourselves... just a little bit....a tiny bit..just a pinch...a smidgen.....okay, okay OKAYYYYY!!!
A LOT! WE MISREPRESENTED OURSELVES A LOT!!!
You see, we all showed up well dressed. Well groomed. Fresh breathed. Happy. All smiles. Most importantly we were quiet and well behaved. I am really sorry but what you witnessed this evening is not the reality you will be witnessing come Monday morning. I *ALMOST* feel bad for you.....ALMOST. I won't allow myself to feel completely horrible because I won't be able to justify this HUGE smile on my face if I feel an ounce of guilt in my heart. That is just how the cookie crumbles ma'am.
Let's start with my well groomed family. The boys had their hair cut. It's not often. I just so happened to be in Illinois visiting my folks. That means I had help. That means I wasn't fighting alone with my boys trying to wrangle them, and bribe them to JUST.SIT.STILL, all while I had a screaming 1 year old trying to escape her stroller in the background. By the way, wasn't that one year old of mine just a little doll? Don't worry, if you ask for my help in the classroom you will get to see plenty more of her. The screams and screeches of annoyance that leave her mouth will knock your socks off, though you'll be wishing it was your ears being knocked off.
Anywhoooo,
That fresh breath? HA! Unless I physically hold those children down and scrub their teeth (like I did before meeting you), they will forget, and since I am usually taking care of these children without any help, there is an even better chance that I won't remember to remind them. So, throw any thoughts of a glimmering white smile and a refreshing "Mornin' y'all" out the window. As a matter of fact, when you see my kid just hold your nose or turn and run. It's do or die time. Survival of the fittest. Do you have what it takes?
Moving on,
The "all smiles" part. That is a load. My kids are rarely all smiles. They are crabby little smart asses. The middle little is the worst! He can throw a tantrum like nobody's business. His scream is so loud and shrill that you will be hiding in the bathroom praying for the end of the world to come soon. You may also take up drinking as a nightly hobby...Possibly even a daily hobby as well. Don't worry, I won't judge. I'll even pour the first glass....bottle...barrel. Well, let's just see how that first day goes, Mmmkay?
Let's talk about the "quiet and well behaved" part of our evening.
My kids are far from quiet. The oldest will not shut up. Especially about that damn Mine Craft stuff. It will drive you through the wall (which is far quieter than being next to that kids previously mentioned, stinky breathed mouth of his). He will also repeat some of my sarcasm but he does not understand the sarcasm. Bear with me, as I teach him how to properly use sarcasm in everyday life. He will be fluent in it soon.
The middle child is obsessed with the game show, "Wipeout". He will not let you rest until you play it with him. Every piece of furniture in your room WILL be a Wipeout course or zone during some point of the school year. Whether you want it to be or not. That's just how he rolls. He will not take no for an answer either. The word "no" entails a tantrum consisting of mirror shattering screams, running in circles, a little bit of floor action (yeah, I'm talking kicking, rolling around, hand pounding, head banging action) , and quite a few crocodile tears. Good luck with that....FYI:Ignoring it actually intensifies it and trying to calm it actually hypes it as well. Let's be honest. You're in a no win situation. Sorry...kinda.
In closing,
I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry we pretended to be a nice family. I'm sorry in advance for all things my children may do to drive you insane. I really am. I had to fake it. I had to pretend to be a great mom with fabulous, adorable, and well mannered children. I need a break though. So, good luck and have a fabulous school year. I'll sip some coffee while eating bon bons, and dealing with my ONE child as you are being tortured by my other two. Punish them how you see fit. I have NO doubt I will be hearing from you soon.
Last of all, Best wishes and Welcome to My Pleasant Nightmare.
Deepest sympathies but no regrets,
Tia Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any mental health bills you incur, or any stays at a rehab facility. Check your insurance prior to committing yourself. The state also has programs that can help you pay if you can't afford it.
Welcome back to the TGIF Blog HOP!!! The TGIF Blog Hop is a great way to gain new followers and bring more traffic to your blog. It's also a great way to meet other bloggers and get great tips, ideas, and read cool blog post. There are also Linkys for BlogLovin', Facebook, Twitter, & Pinterest. Please follow other pages if you leave your link.
There are just a few simple rules:
Follow the 3 Hosts and CoHost(s) (you can just click on their picture and follow):
Please Follow Our 2 Platinum Sponsors
Visit as many blogs on the list as
you can and leave a comment. Let them know if you've followed them so they can return the favor. Also, if someone from the blog hop follows you, you should return the favor! Link whatever you'd like, that part I don't care. Link up your Hops, Recipes, Giveaways! Who Cares! You can link more than one thing too!
Add the TGIF Blog Hop button to your blog anywhere(Grab the code at the bottom).
Each week we will post a new linky! Contact me at Funnypregnantlady(at)aol(dot)com if you're interested in cohosting a Blog Hop!
Advertise your Blog HERE! Post all of your GIVEAWAYS HERE!
Welcome back to the TGIF Blog HOP!!! The TGIF Blog Hop is a great way to gain new followers and bring more traffic to your blog. It's also a great way to meet other bloggers and get great tips, ideas, and read cool blog post. There are also Linkys for BlogLovin', Facebook, Twitter, & Pinterest. Please follow other pages if you leave your link.
There are just a few simple rules:
Follow the 3 Hosts and CoHost(s) (you can just click on their picture and follow):
Please Follow Our 2 Platinum Sponsors
Add the TGIF Blog Hop button to your blog anywhere(Grab the code at the bottom).
Visit as many blogs on the list as
you can and leave a comment. Let them know if you've followed them so they can return the favor. Also, if someone from the blog hop follows you, you should return the favor! Link whatever you'd like, that part I don't care. Link up your Hops, Recipes, Giveaways! Who Cares! You can link more than one thing too!
Each week we will post a new linky! Contact me at Funnypregnantlady(at)aol(dot)com if you're interested in cohosting a Blog Hop!
Advertise your Blog HERE! Post all of your GIVEAWAYS HERE!
I don't think that I have been completely open and honest to all of you. Actually, I don't think you all have been open and honest with me. Better yet, now that I think about it, I don't think we are open and honest with anyone....not even ourselves. It's sad really. The lives we lead, or in some cases "pretend" to lead. Why do we have to put on this grand show of how fabulous of a life we are living? Why can't we be honest with people? Why is it that when someone asks "how are you?" An automatic response is "Just fine, and yourself?" That response is usually on a good day. On a particularly bad day, a lot of us will say "I'm great!!!!!!! How are you today?"
Deep down, nothing is great. We can pretend it is but we all have problems. We all have something going on in our lives that we just want to hide from. We are all "fine". Some of us are even "GREAT!".
Why? Why are we ashamed to be anything other than fine or great? If someone doesn't want to know how we are, they should not ask at all. Honestly, I have worked customer service my whole life, and never once did I ask how someone was without expecting to hear an honest answer. If I didn't want to hear about someones day, good or bad, I wouldn't ask.
People are always asking me how I am. Now I plan on answering.
I am a disaster.
I am a mom of 3 tiny terrorists who drive me into a corner. Once I am in that corner, I rock...back and forth, back and forth.
I am a girlfriend. NOT a wife. A Girlfriend. I don't want to be a wife right now for many reasons. One being,
I am a divorce'
Why? Because my ex-husband was a delusional drunk who beat me, belittled me, chased me around with a knife, and tried to "get the demons from my body". He got help...help provided my the United States Air Force not once, but TWICE. No lie folks! Once he woke me up to tell me that he had a huge secret to tell me and that he wasn't allowed to tell anyone else and that I needed to "keep my lips ZIPPED". The secret you ask? Great question. The secret was that he was a top secret write for the hit show (at the time) According to Jim.
PRETTY SURE YOU ALL HAVE THE SAME DUMBFOUNDED LOOK AS I DID WHEN I HEARD THE BIG SECRET.....
*please note: this persons name is not being spoken. Addiction is serious and I pray everyday for healing and guidance for this person. Regardless of the actions that were taken. If you are someone with an addiction please seek help. There is a wealth of information out there. One being 24 hour Addiction Help. There is NO shame in asking for help.
I am depressed.
I am anxious.
I am OCD. A lot of people don't completely understand OCD. Most people thing it's compulsive organization and cleaning. That's not all it is. I am not that kind of OCD. I have severe anxiety over germs. I freak out. I have more that 1 bottle of hand sanitizer at my disposal, at all times. I'm terrified of germs. I can't stand the though of touching a door knob without using sanitizer after. I wash my hand while cooking if I touch anything. I can't stand the thought of toilets spraying all over, and if somebody sneezes, well, I have to do my best to be polite and hold in my gag reflexes. I won't take a nice hot bath WITHOUT cleaning my tub first. My tub gets cleaned daily. BEFORE washing my hands in a public restroom I make sure the paper towels are pushed down. JUST.IN.CASE. After my hands are washed and I'm out of the bathroom I immediately use my sanitizer. My hands get dry...they crack...they bleed....they hurt BUT the thought of them having germs hurts more.
I am mental illness. I am okay with that. I'm "coping".
I am hurting.
I am in pain.
I am even occasionally suicidal.
I am overbearing, have a jealous streak, and cry whether I'm happy or sad.
I am me. I am a mess. I am learning to be okay with that. You may read this and think I am crazy! That's okay....I am. My question back is "Who are you?" and "Are you brave enough to share who you are in the comment section?"
I WANT to know how you are. Are you brave enough to share that? Do you have questions for me? I want our relationship to be open and honest. You need to know that I struggle too. My life is far from perfect and I will not judge you for that. I am over being a judgmental bitch. Let's help each other.
CRAZY MOMS UNITE!!
Now, go! Write about who you are. Share your blog link in the comments after you do. Don't blog? Share with me in the comment section. This is your place to share the secret you!
I feel this way A LOT. If you do too, you are NOT alone!
Welcome to the Hop & Win Book Blast! This is all part of a fun event hosted by author Lori Verni-Fogarsi (LoriTheAuthor) during a special promotion of her novel, "Momnesia."
MOMNESIA (mahm-nee-zhuh) -noun-
Loss of the memory of who you used to be. Caused by pregnancy, play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses.
"Momnesia," which has been recognized in two awards, is the story of an average suburban mom who, feeling invisible under all the responsibilities of caring for her family, sets about finding balance between her "momminess" and her "sexiness." She does find some adventure pursuing her own interests, but it isn't until she tosses the Invisible Rule Book altogether that she discovers life---and love---have more to offer than she ever imagined!
During this special promotion, there are all sort of fun things going on. (EVENT DATES ARE 8/12 THROUGH 8/19/13) Hope you'll enjoy them all!
"Momnesia" is on sale for only $1.99 in Kindle format! Find it here!
"Momnesia" is on sale for for only $5 per paperback! Find it here!
Treasure Hunt! Visit the blogs in the Linky List below and gather their treasure hunt words. For each one you collect, you'll get an extra entry to win Lori's "Find Yourself... In a Good Book" Prize Pack! By the way my Treasure Hunt Word is: NIGHTMARE.
Buy the book during this promotion and get five extra entries! Send your e-receipt to LoriTheAuthor "at" gmail "dot" com. Put MOMNESIA RECEIPT in subject line.
1. Use this Linky List to visit all the blogs and find their treasure hunt words.2. Use this Rafflecopter to enter the treasure hunt words to be entered to win the Prize Pack!a Rafflecopter giveaway3. If you buy the book, don't forget to send your receipt to LoriTheAuthor "at" gmail "dot" com to receive 5 extra entries!4. Ten Easy Tips for Balancing Momminess & Sexiness article. (Click! It will open in a new window so you don't lose your place!)
I am pretty sure that I am the last blogger who has yet to write about her 2013 BlogHer experience. I'm such a loser. Sigh. So, as I sit here, shoving food in my face as a way to ease the pain and mourn the loss of the high I felt while being there, I said to myself "Self, snap out of it! Don't wallow in your pathetic self pity! Relive your memories and share them with the world. Even better, rub it in their faces!"
Okay, so yes, I do realize that I'm kind of a snotty bitch when I talk to myself. I also realize that I should probably seek professional help for talking to myself. HOWEVER, when you are raising 3 kids alone, sometimes the only adult conversation you can have is with yourself. That's why I drink.
Okay, we are getting off the subject!
BlogHer was AMAZING! It was like the Red Carpet of the blogging world. I met so many writers that I love and admire. I'm still a little starstruck. First, I actually got to bunk with my favorite person ever, Liz from the ever so popular blog, Funny Postpartum Lady. That in itself was exciting! Except, well, I had a little too much to drink one night and snored like a drunken sailor. Sorry Liz.
Yes, Daily's Cocktails were there handing out unlimited samples. Liz and I enjoyed this booth. hehe
While walking around the expo hall meeting potential sponsors, networking, and collecting way too much swag I kept my eyes peeled. My first spotting of the day?????? None other than the FABULOUS Frugalista AND Baby Sideburns. They even talked to me and one of them knew who I was and everything!! I have proof! I got pictures!
We got our pics taken at the Shark booth! Those guys were so bedazzled that we just couldn't resist!
How often do you gt your pic taken with a bunch of awesome bloggers AND bedazzled men??
Talk about a handful of AWESOMENESS right here. ha!
After I had my blogging celebrity fix for the night, I went back to chatting it up with all of the amazing companies that were there looking for bloggers to work with. I walked passed the Butt Paste booth. If you are a mom, you KNOW Butt Paste. If you are a Mom-to-Be, get to know Butt Paste. Anyway, I met the man himself! Mr. Butt Paste. Yeah, that's not his name. I know! I got to meet him though. The man who saved the asses of all three of my children! It was fantastic! I profusely thanked him for being a genius and then got a picture with him next to a flaming hot tube of the magic butt saving cream.
I know it's hard but don't be jealous. hehe
I also got to meet a one of The Transformers. He held my hand and told me to come closer and taking a pic with me would be a pleasure. I'm sure he was paid to say that. BUT Whatevs.
I got to meet a few LA Z BOYS. How hot are these outfits Y'all?! haha
These aren't the only boys I met either!!! I also had the extreme privilege of touching the dough boy's tummy. I told him not to get any ideas, I was already taken. Kidding, KIDDING. I didn't tell him that! I'd leave Heath in a heartbeat for that delicious dough boy! Yum, Yummmmmm!! Seriously though. It was a delight to meet such a celeb!
Then of course I stumbled upon the Despicable Me 2 dress up booth sponsored by Land O Frost.
Then there was the fabulous Hasbro Private Party that I was invited to attend!! I got to meet a Rescue Bot AND dance on stage with a Purple Monkey. Well, I think it was a monkey.... the one from that game "Cheeky's Barrel Burst" maybe.... haha
After the Party I was off to Bongiorno's Pizza & Italian Deli for the I Just Want to Pee Alone book signing. I am confident I had already had too much to drink between the free Daily's Cocktails samples that morning, and the Yellow Tail Moscato Challenge that afternoon, as well as the champagne that was freely overflowing the glasses at the drink stations in the expo hall. Mix that with very little food, and a zombie punch (a drink made of vodka and other crap) at the Hasbro Party, and then the glass of wine that came with the book signing and you get a very excited and very chatty "Story of a Girl". I need to learn control. The alcohol control. NOT the Pussy Control, I already have that (amazingly after 3 kids). Yep, you're totally singing that song now aren't you? (sorry Grandma)
Are you ready to see the amount of fabulousness I met at the book signing?? OMG!!!! I was overjoyed!!!
Hellllooooo!! Scarred for Life AND The Crumb Diaries!
I Want a Dumpster Baby! (could she be anymore fab after having twins????)
Then there is Insane in the Mom Brain.
I met so many others too! This was such a great night!! I somehow ended up in the hotel bar singing Karaoke later that night. I had no clue until some texted me a pic.
Wonder what he said to me. I look peeved, she's dying of laughter, and he's ignoring me. LOL
All in all, BlogHer was a fab experience. If I could pass out one tip for BlogHer virgins in 2014, it would be:
Build a damn tolerance to wine and liquor!! Or don't start drinking at 10:30 am no matter how much of a sissy the the Yellow Tail Moscato people call you when they challenge you to a Wine-Off.
I will post more tips later for future BlogHer attendees at a later date. Happy Blogging!!! Hope to see even more awesome people next year!!!
I'll write about my Chicago extended stay later as well. My trip did NOT end when BlogHer was over. No Way! Nuh Uh! That's not how I roll!!!
