He called me a WHAT??????

Attention Grandma, if you are reading this I feel the need to warn you there are a few more curse words than usual.  Please don't call and yell at me.  I love you!

I wish I at least looked like my driver's license photo.  Yes.  That is how bad I look.  That's how bad I feel.  That is how ridiculously low my standards currently are.  I have already had two kids and was never this exhausted.  EVER.  I talked to my doctor about it and she told me it's because I'm old.  Okay, well she didn't say it like that in so many words.  That IS what she was insinuating though.  I get it. I'm getting older.  I'm accepting my age. WHATEVS.  It's all good.  JUST PLEASE MAKE THE TIRED GO AWAY.

I'm frustrated because I feel bad for my kids.  They are pretty much raising themselves.  I am not winning at this whole Mommy thing lately.  The goobs are out of control and it's mostly my fault.  So I am going to fess up to my crimes and hopefully it will lift this horrible guilt off my chest.  

1.  My 3 year old called me ::::looks around and whispers so no one close by hears:::: a  b-i-t-c-h ::::::whispering over :::::::  Okay, this is a huge deal to me.  I don't raise boys to talk to their Mama like that!  I popped the kid in his mouth and asked him to tell me where he learned that word from.  The child replied with "Dora mommy.  Dora was calling all kinds of people Bishes mommy!!"  

WHAT???  UMMMMM NO!  DORA DOES NOT CURSE!!!!

2 hours later.....

I hear Dora yell "That stupid B!%@$"

Yea.....turns out my mission to sneak in a little catnap by using my phone as a babysitter somehow led the 3 year old to youtube and then to very bad voiced over Dora videos.  She got herself a baby-daddy and everything!! 

2.  I rolled out of bed Tuesday at 11:30.  This particular day I did get up once for about 3 minutes at 9 to open a cup of yogurt, make some chocolate milk and turn on the tv for the 3 yr old.  Last week, I didn't feed my kids breakfast at all.  The 7 yr old fed them their breakfast.  I profusely thanked my sweet boy for taking charge and asked him what they ate.  His response?  "a bowl of Cookie Crisp cereal withOUT milk, 1 slice each of chocolate loaf cake, and a fruit by the foot because I remember you saying we need to eat more fruit."  Mmmmkay, then.  What did you drink??  "Wellllll, I had a Pepsi Next and Hunter had a Cherry Vanilla Pepsi Next.  It was a pretty awesome breakfast I made huh?"  Sure honey.....it definitely sounds.....awesome...

3.  Had to take a break from blogging to go be even more of an awesome mom.  That's right.  My kids were crying to be fed.  Being the great mom I am, I ordered pizza last night and went ahead and reheated it tonight.  Hey, don't judge me!  At least I heated it up! I could have easily gave it to them cold!  

4.  We are lacking quality time.  The boys keep wanting to go to the park and all I can muster up is "Mommy doesn't do parks in the middle of summer, while pregnant, in west Texas.  Daddy comes back in town friday. Ask him and can you leave me alone until then?  Okay, well the last part I thought to myself but I wish I could say it sometimes.  

5.  The three year old is even starting to take his aggression out on the poor cartoons on tv.  I felt so bad for the kid on "Team Umizoomi" the other night.  His name was Jose and he lost his Shark Car and he asked, "Can you help me find my shark car please and bring it back to me?"  My darn 3 year old replies, "NO WAY JOSE!!!"  Then as if that's not bad enough he added "That stupid Jose!!"  Then hysterically laughed all the way down the hallway, almost in an evil manner.  I am a little concerned now......

I should probably stop unloading all of my guilt.  Y'all are going to start judging me unfairly.....or fairly.....your judgments are probably fair and accurate.  Well, from most of you.  Not those of you who are all "Perfect, psycho obsessive, overbearing, over protective, I'm better than you and every other mom on the planet" kind of parents.  Your judging is not worth much to me.  Yes, I'm done.  Goodnight and I do feel a weight has been lifted!  

So, have you went from curious to horrified yet??