Friend Request Sent......

"Oh Em Gee!!  My mom is on Facebook!!!!!"

I hear my friends proclaiming this exact phrase all the time!!  Well, my mom is on Facebook too.  I didn't freak out.  I don't care.  It's just another way for me to stay connected with her and see what she's up too.  

However, this proclamation of fear being hollered by children, from rooftops all over the world led me to wonder.....

Did we ever stop and think that our Mom's might be proclaiming:::

I don't want a Facebook!!!  My kids are on there!!!

This also led me down a pondering path of my own.  I started thinking, when my kids are of age do I really want them on MY Facebook page???  

I've decided No!  I really don't think I do!  What if they lecture me over my behavior?  What if they embarrass me??  I mean will they be okay with me posting pictures like this:::::

                                 

Or this::::

Am I going to have to take flack for having fun????  What if my kids are boring fuddy-duddies??  I Do Not want to hear any crap from the little gooey, yucky, alien looking creatures I forced out of a part of my body that should never ever, ever be forced open in such a way!!  That's a whole other rant though.

Anyway, before we decide adding our parents to our Facebook is such a punishment for us, lets keep in mind they may feel the same.  There may be a good chance Mom doesn't care what camel's twat your looking at or who the chick behind you pulling your hair is....she may very well be more worried about what you are going to see about her...

I do hope, when and if my kids get a facebook they send me a request because this will be my chance to "ignore" them and the "block" them!! >>>evil mom laugh<<<

It's been lovely but I have to scream now!

Did you know I used to be the perfect mom....and THEN I had kids. ***sigh***

Yep, now I totally suck at parenting my children.  I have fun doing it though.  A lot of sarcasm goes into my parenting.  I understand this is not the route for everyone to take.  Mostly because not everyone is as fun as I am.  You really just need the right personality, well, my personality.  

I talk to so many people that are shocked and dismayed at the things they hear mothers say to their children in stores or at restaurants.  These people are either WAY to uptight, OR, more commonly, not yet parents.  

If you aren't yet a parent, it's okay.  If you are a parent and are shocked by the things you hear, there is a HUGE chance you need to loosen up a bit.  If you don't you are never going to make it out of the parenting game alive.  

I'm pretty sure that half of the things I say to my kids at the store winds up on facebook as an "omg, you will never guess what this mom was saying to her kids" kinda status update.  

So, to all of you uptight moms, new moms that keep saying "I will NEVER", and to the perfect parents (who aren't parents yet) these are the things I regularly say or threaten my two boys with AND they are still alive, not in therapy, are very well cared for,  very well fed, and not working at any child sweat camps.

*Eat my Twix bar and you will turn into a girl

*Don't you ask for anything in the store or it's bread and water for dinner tonight, if you're lucky!

*Stop tattling or I will cut your tongue out!

*Hit your brother again and I will break your hand!

*Go to bed or I will take your bed away!!  (that's right, tired mom's go to desperate measures)

*Stop getting your clothes dirty or I will take them away. (that's right, threats of nudity in front of friends makes laundry a lot easier)

*If you touch one more thing on that store shelf I will leave you here and let strangers make you work!

*Stop asking for toys or I will put a half off sticker on you and put you on the shelf with the other crap people don't want to buy!

*Every time you don't try your hardest to eat all your food another kid in africa dies!!  Do you want to be responsible for that????  DO YOU?????

*That's it, you are going to be sold to the circus, and not the fun part of the  circus, the part of the circus that makes you clean up animal poop!!!

*Don't make me kick you in front of people!

*Do you want me to call the police and tell them what you've done???

Yes, these are only a few examples of threats.  My kids still love me and tell me all the time.  They are Momma's boys and the lights of my life. But, OH EM GEE, if I don't keep a sense of humor or make out of this world threats our lives would be BOOORING and they wouldn't be scared of me.  Once kids lose fear of their parents, well, it's over.  They can get away with murder.  

So enjoy threatening them and be creative with your threats.  Most importantly, don't judge other Mom's for their threats.  You know nothing about the day they have had or the trouble their little brats have caused them. Make that mom's day brighter and give her a thumbs up or a giggle.  Better yet, when the mom isn't looking, give the bad kid a mean look and point at them.  Have fun and compare notes with your friends.  Now, I am off to find one of my kids and put him in a sleeper hold so he will shut up and go to sleep!!

THAT'S RIGHT, MOTHER OF THE YEAR, BABY!!!!

I'm a Quitter!

Well, the month of June is going to be officially known as "Tia's a Quitter" month.  I quit two addictions in one month and I am working on a 3rd addiction right now.  God knows, I probably should have went to the doctor and had him up my Prozac before attempting all of this!!

SMOKING

I quit smoking!!  Yeah, yeah, I know.  Again? Right? It's okay though.  It doesn't hurt my feelings.  I have tried many times in the past to become a non smoker and the whole time I was miserable.  This time feels so different.  I feel more confident about it and I feel secure enough in my life to live without this stuff.  It doesn't mean I won't slip up or fail in the future, but for now I am okay and this week the cravings have been very few.  For the first time ever during a stop smoking venture when I'm stressed my immediate thought IS NOT "I need a cigarette".  That is a HUGE deal for me.  I used to use high stress situations as an excuse to give up and start smoking again.   WHAT WAS I THINKING??  I have to be honest about one thing.  I am very disappointed in the weight I have gained.  I can't fit into my clothes.  :(  This brings me to the reason behind quitting addiction number two. 

STARBUCKS

**go ahead and gasp, I know you want too**

I know you are all shocked but it was time to quit the addiction.  I'm not saying I quit coffee, but I quit the Starbucks addiction.  It was hard and the withdraws were pretty severe but I have made.  I have also limited my Iced Mocha intake at home to every other day or every 2 days and only one for the whole entire day!!  After I realized how many calories alone were in a Starbucks Iced, venti, non fat, no whip, mocha I knew this would add to the "no smoking weight gain" dilemma.  It has been a hard month but I am doing well, AND no one was harmed in the making of this new glorious me!  

Final addiction attack

Carb Cravings

Let's not get all worked up about this.  I didn't say ALL carbs.  I just need to detox and watch what I am doing.  It's time to get back on track and back into my size 3's!  So please pray for me during this adventure as I am spending this week detoxing my body .  Today was the start and included a liquid diet.  Yes I am crazy, but dammit, I am not buying ANOTHER new wardrobe!!!!  

So there ya have it!  I am officially a QUITTER!!!

my goal to blog more...or some crap like that......

Ever have those days where you just look around and ask where the hidden cameras are???  I do and more often than I would really like to admit.  I have figured out that by the end of my day I am just far to tired to try and make sense of my days events.  This is most likely the reason for my blogs being non-existent.  If my life was coming to and end and someone asked me to sit down and write my memoirs I would have to laugh because some days I can't even remember if I put deodorant on or took my meds...well, except my birth control pills!  I always remember them!! Plus they are labeled with the day.  Why can't all pills be labeled like that?? I need my medicine to come in an "advent calendar" of sorts. You know?  Those Christmas Calendars that you open each day leading up to the Nativity.  How fun would it be to take medication if you got to open a window to find some pills AND a surprise inside??? 


Okay!!  Totally getting off track here....


Maybe this is why I don't blog!  I am clearly ADHD and can't focus on the task at hand!!  Sheesh!!!!


So, the goal of this particular blog is to apologize in advance if I bombard facebook with an overwhelming amount of status updates.  I think that may be the only way for me to remember my days events. If I lose a few of facebook friends I completely understand!  I mean hell, some of you I added but don't have a clue who you are....I just added you so I didn't hurt your feelings and so you didn't know that I forgot how I knew you.  It won't hurt my feelings if anyone deletes me or doesn't know who I am and added me out of pity either.  (currently taking a friend count to see how many people delete me after this lol) I'm so oblivious and probably too self involved to even notice.  My best friend got mad at me and deleted me and I didn't even notice until I went to post on her wall.  YEP THAT'S ME!!  BEST FRIEND OF THE YEAR!! RIGHT HERE PEOPLE!!  (yes jennifer, I can hear you calling me a bitch all the way down here, and I can see you shaking your head and rolling your eyes too!) 


Well, before I get anymore off track, I am going to what I came here to say, and this is, I am going to do my best to blog more often. Don't know if ya really care or not, but it's for me(though I always welcome the company lol) and I always feel better after writing/typing things at the end of the day.  I guess it's like ending your night with a short story and seeing the two words that make you know, whole heartedly, that your day is finally complete and you can drift off to dreamland! You know what those words are, dontcha?! I'm about to say them right now!

THE END