Go to the Light and Ignore the Crazy!

Well, I am finally going to have this baby!   After months and months and months of my complaining over all of my aches and pains and misery, I have an induction date, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!  Literally speaking for little miss!  HAHA  I will be yelling "GO TO THE LIGHT SWEET GIRL!!!!!!  GO TO THE LIGHT!!!!!"
Okay, you're right.  I will be yelling every naughty word in the book at the man who put me in this mess and he will politely ignore my outbursts and further anger me by being supportive and rubbing my back.  Later, making me feel guilty about being so hateful but eventually I will find myself getting over it when he pretends to snore through the screaming infant in the cradle next to us at 3 am avoiding every midnight feeding and stinky diaper.
Yep, that's right y'all.  I am a little bitter and cranky right now.  Who isn't at this point in the pregnancy though?  I have endured almost 9 months of hearing about people's "Date night's" "Mom's night outs" and all their other enjoyable adventures.  Then I run across this picture today on Facebook.

I start laughing and thinking about how I would really like to have this status as an actual option.  My fun and wild nights are currently heading to the local Texas Roadhouse with the man and the kids and helping them find words in the word find and pretending to lose every game of Tic Tac Toe while stuffing my face with way too much of the Ft. Worth Ribeye, a loaded baked potato, ceasar salad and the homemade yeast rolls with that way too yummy cinnamon butter!!  Oh, Oh, OHHHHH and for dessert?  I know you're curious.  Yep, you guessed it!  I finish off my dinner with a Zofran and 2 berry flavored tums because God knows this baby kicks me right in the stomach after I eat.  Yes!  I am a little bitter....maybe a tad jealous of all of you that got your tubes tied when you had the chance.  I am thrilled to be having a little girl to doll up and shop for though. When I get all the cute stuff in the mail that I ordered I get all kinds of excited!!  Got this stuff today!

This definitely puts me in a better mood!

Especially since it is a double gratification feeling!  I get the enjoyment of shopping on one day and get the enjoyment of receiving it a few weeks later!  Yes, I sound like an addict.  I know.  I may be a little bit of an addict.  Just a tiny bit though.  Online shopping is much safer too for a whole lot of people. Including the poor little boy I accidentally disciplined at the mall today.   If you don't "like" my Facebook page you may have missed this update.  You may also need to scoot your sweet little behind over to my page and like it after reading this because my feelings are all hurt now.  You can get to my page by going to the top left part of this blog!  Anyway...here's my embarrassing moment of the day......week....month?  Let's just go with "Of the year!!!"

Story of a Girl

7 hours ago via mobile

So I'm at the mall trying to power walk this baby out of me. The kIds want to stop for pizza. So while I'm paying the youngest is playing with the lids and making a mess. I told him NO! Then I he did it again. So without looking down I smacked his hand, grabbed his arm and moved him to my other side. Then my oldest asks what I'm doing. I looked down to see I was disciplining someone else's child!!! I was MORTIFIED and apologized! Luckily she laughed it off and said she was about to do the same to him but figured I was doing a good job handling it on my own. I still feel so embarrassed!! Ever have anything like that happen to you?? 

Yeah.  I was waiting for mall security to hunt me down later and take me in for questioning.  I know I will see these posters randomly throughout the mall too! 

Life keeps getting better and better y'all!  

Oh and if you liked the pics of the cute baby clothes I recently got in the mail you can sign up for a Zulily account using my link!  I get store credit for each person that signs up and orders and you will too if you sign up and share your own link!  Help a shopoholic sista out!

Story of a Girl's Zulily.com link

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!

He called me a WHAT??????

Attention Grandma, if you are reading this I feel the need to warn you there are a few more curse words than usual.  Please don't call and yell at me.  I love you!

I wish I at least looked like my driver's license photo.  Yes.  That is how bad I look.  That's how bad I feel.  That is how ridiculously low my standards currently are.  I have already had two kids and was never this exhausted.  EVER.  I talked to my doctor about it and she told me it's because I'm old.  Okay, well she didn't say it like that in so many words.  That IS what she was insinuating though.  I get it. I'm getting older.  I'm accepting my age. WHATEVS.  It's all good.  JUST PLEASE MAKE THE TIRED GO AWAY.

I'm frustrated because I feel bad for my kids.  They are pretty much raising themselves.  I am not winning at this whole Mommy thing lately.  The goobs are out of control and it's mostly my fault.  So I am going to fess up to my crimes and hopefully it will lift this horrible guilt off my chest.  

1.  My 3 year old called me ::::looks around and whispers so no one close by hears:::: a  b-i-t-c-h ::::::whispering over :::::::  Okay, this is a huge deal to me.  I don't raise boys to talk to their Mama like that!  I popped the kid in his mouth and asked him to tell me where he learned that word from.  The child replied with "Dora mommy.  Dora was calling all kinds of people Bishes mommy!!"  

WHAT???  UMMMMM NO!  DORA DOES NOT CURSE!!!!

2 hours later.....

I hear Dora yell "That stupid B!%@$"

Yea.....turns out my mission to sneak in a little catnap by using my phone as a babysitter somehow led the 3 year old to youtube and then to very bad voiced over Dora videos.  She got herself a baby-daddy and everything!! 

2.  I rolled out of bed Tuesday at 11:30.  This particular day I did get up once for about 3 minutes at 9 to open a cup of yogurt, make some chocolate milk and turn on the tv for the 3 yr old.  Last week, I didn't feed my kids breakfast at all.  The 7 yr old fed them their breakfast.  I profusely thanked my sweet boy for taking charge and asked him what they ate.  His response?  "a bowl of Cookie Crisp cereal withOUT milk, 1 slice each of chocolate loaf cake, and a fruit by the foot because I remember you saying we need to eat more fruit."  Mmmmkay, then.  What did you drink??  "Wellllll, I had a Pepsi Next and Hunter had a Cherry Vanilla Pepsi Next.  It was a pretty awesome breakfast I made huh?"  Sure honey.....it definitely sounds.....awesome...

3.  Had to take a break from blogging to go be even more of an awesome mom.  That's right.  My kids were crying to be fed.  Being the great mom I am, I ordered pizza last night and went ahead and reheated it tonight.  Hey, don't judge me!  At least I heated it up! I could have easily gave it to them cold!  

4.  We are lacking quality time.  The boys keep wanting to go to the park and all I can muster up is "Mommy doesn't do parks in the middle of summer, while pregnant, in west Texas.  Daddy comes back in town friday. Ask him and can you leave me alone until then?  Okay, well the last part I thought to myself but I wish I could say it sometimes.  

5.  The three year old is even starting to take his aggression out on the poor cartoons on tv.  I felt so bad for the kid on "Team Umizoomi" the other night.  His name was Jose and he lost his Shark Car and he asked, "Can you help me find my shark car please and bring it back to me?"  My darn 3 year old replies, "NO WAY JOSE!!!"  Then as if that's not bad enough he added "That stupid Jose!!"  Then hysterically laughed all the way down the hallway, almost in an evil manner.  I am a little concerned now......

I should probably stop unloading all of my guilt.  Y'all are going to start judging me unfairly.....or fairly.....your judgments are probably fair and accurate.  Well, from most of you.  Not those of you who are all "Perfect, psycho obsessive, overbearing, over protective, I'm better than you and every other mom on the planet" kind of parents.  Your judging is not worth much to me.  Yes, I'm done.  Goodnight and I do feel a weight has been lifted!  

So, have you went from curious to horrified yet??

Another one?? YAY!!!!!

I'm so super excited!  I have been nominated for ANOTHER fabulous blogging award.  This time from TWO awesome bloggers!!  I am in a little bit of shock and am very humbled by the nominations.  I have really been blessed to be surrounded by such an amazing, warm, and terribly funny blogging community!  So thank you to


Too Smart For Her Own Good
and
Riding the Crazy Train: Diary of a Delirious Mom

Here are the rules for the Liebster Lovin'

*Post 11 random facts about yourself.

*Choose 11 deserving bloggers and tag them in your post.

*Tell them you’ve tagged them.

*Answer 11 questions the tagger has asked you, and give 11 questions to the people you’ve tagged.

**No tag backs. 

Okay, so here are my 11 random facts


1.  I quit smoking 1 year, 1 month, 3 weeks, 2 days and 2 and a half hours ago as of tonight 7 pm CST.  How did I do it?  Everyone asks.  I used a book.  I read Allen Carr's Easy Way to Quit Smoking.  It was a miracle worker and changed my life and lung capacity as well as my over exposure to UV rays! haha


2. I hate grapes but love grape flavoring.


3. I'm lactose intolerant but still buy pints of my favorite ice cream, hide it in the back of the freezer and take one or two bites a day.


4.  I am 34 weeks pregnant and JUST NOW started crocheting my new little monster's baby blanket.


5.  I miss wine.  a lot.


6. The only math I am good at is adding up the pounds I am putting on with Baby A.


7.  I avoid arguments because I HAVE to be right and will waste an entire day proving my point.  Most of the time I'm to busy for that.


8.  I photo document everything I do with my kids so that there is proof that they weren't always neglected.  I'm sure they will try and claim I never did anything with them when they get older.  Kids are jerks like that!


9.  I tell my kids certain kinds of candy will turn them into girls so they won't want what I'm eating.


10.  I have horrible and very awkward social skills when meeting new people but try to pretend I am all nice and excited to meet them even though I have NO CLUE what to say or where to put my hands while talking to them.  I like to be holding something, otherwise I fidget.


11.  I have been so sick lately that I have let my boys feed themselves.  As in, I'm pretty sure this morning they each ate a granola bar, a fruit by the foot, a slice of chocolate loaf cake and drank cherry vanilla pepsi for breakfast.  I was too sick to move.  SWEAR!


Okay, now for my interrogation questions from Too Smart For Her Own Good


1.  What's your favorite day of the week?
What??  There are days in the week?! 

2.  If you could visit any city in the world, all expenses paid, where you end up?
Rome!!


3.  Do you Pinterest, if so, do you find it hella addicting like I do?
YES!  AND YES!! I am currently in a 12 step program...


4.  What is Blogging to you?
 My life, My stories, My outlet.


5.  What is the deepest thought you've ever had?
I usually try to avoid thinking to much.  

6.  Who is your biggest celebrity crush?
Yeah, so I was just complaining the other day about how all of the other moms had their own celebrity crush but I don't have one.  Why?  Why don't I have one?  Something MUST be wrong with me!! LOL


7.  If the President showed up on your doorstep what would you say to him?
No solicitors. Please try and sell your shit to someone else.

8.  If you could change your name, would you and what would you change it to?
Dad.  Everyone named Dad around here seem to get a lot more free time. LOL 

9.  Coffee or Tea?
BOTH!!!!!  I LOVE THEM BOTH!!!!!


10.  Most embarrassing moment?
I have to pick just one??  Okay, marrying my ex-husband.  It is a decision I will never live down. LOL

11.  Favorite type of car? 


Two seaters!  It means no kids can come along! haha




Okay, I was nominated by two yes TWO awesome ladies.  So here is my second set of Q&A!  This is from 
Delirious Mom

1.  What is in your "secret stash" that you hide from your kids or spouse? (I hide dark chocolate, for example.)


Chicken in a Biscuit crackers.  Those jerks will eat my whole box in one sitting!!

2..What are your feelings on the "5-Second Rule"?


For me??  Nuh Uh! No way!  For my man and my kids?  Go ahead guys!!  It's still good!! haha

3.  What is the best compliment you have ever received from one of your blog followers?


That my words meant a lot and moved them.  It's always nice when your blog is more than a comedy hour sometimes. 

4.  What pushes your crazy-psycho button?


My heart is already racing thinking about it!!  When I am in a drive thru, really hungry and really thirsty and the person at the speaker needs a minute and then takes an hour and then orders 1 of everything from the menu!!  Go the inside and order people or google the damn menu BEFORE you go and make a list!!  STOP.TORTURING.ME

5. Who inspires you the most on your life journey?


It's not one person but more of a type of person.
Other people on their own journey, the people who are honest with themselves, with others, and live life with a sense of humor and a shortage of drama.

6.  What gets you through the day most often: coffee, wine, or your sense of humor?


A lot of laughing at myself and my kids. We try not to take life to serious around here.  Well, with the exception of the important stuff.  

7.  What's your number one travelling tip?


EAR PLUGS AND iPhones!  Bring them both!! hahaha\


8.  If you weren't doing what you're doing today career-wise, what other life/career path would you be on?


Journalism.  I'd have to learn better grammar though or have a fab editor! LOL

9.  What are your goals for blogging?


To keep doing it as long as it is what I enjoy.  

10. Anything on your bucket list you'd like to share?


A kid free vacation! 

11.  What is the craziest thing you have ever done that you are willing to admit to doing?


Having 3 kids!!!! I'm serious.  Like REALLY serious.  I think I'm nuts!  


YAY!!!!!  I'm done being interrogated and now I get to ask the questions!!!


1.  Storms.  Love them or terrified?
2.  What is your "Guilty Pleasure" tv show?
3.  What calms you?
4.  If you could learn any new language what would you choose to learn?
5.  Have you ever regifted?  What was it?
6.  Any off brand/generic products you prefer over their name brand competitor? 
7.  What song ALWAYS brings back memories?
8.  What is your favorite brand of toilet paper?
9.  Favorite scented candle?
10.  Do you ever freak out and get nervous AFTER you hit the "Share" button on your blog?
11.  Do you still have a piggy bank?


AND THESE ARE THE LUCKY FOLKS THAT GET TO ANSWER THEM!!  

1. What I Had REALLY Meant to Say Was...
2. The Black Tiara
3. The Real Housewife of Santee
4. Twins Happen
5. I'm a mom too
6. Mama's Mumbo Jumbo
7. Musings of an im-Perfect Mom
8. My Daily Jenn-ism
9. One Too Many
10. My Morning Cup of Coffee
11. SooperDad

Breaking News::So exciting!

HELLO MY AWESOME FRIENDS!!  I HAVE HUGE NEWS!!

I am super excited to announce that I, Story of a Girl, was nominated by the wonderful and fabulous Crazy Mama Drama for the "Versatile Blogger Award"!! I am so thrilled to have the opportunity to accept this award.  Especially since it's my first ever!  Thanks again, Brooke for the nomination.  Y'all need to check out her blog ASAP!  >>> Crazy Mama Drama <<<

Okay, on to the goods!  My 7 random facts!  

1.  I love to crochet with a nice wine buzz! as a matter of fact, I have made many baby shower gifts while completely wasted!

2.  I love to eat plain potato chips dipped in ketchup.  Even when I'm not pregnant!!  It is soooooo yummy!!

3.  I am terrible at making friends and usually come off really snotty and bitchy in person.  Even when I think I'm smiling, I'm usually not.  Sorry, it's just how I look, I'm really not completely bitchy or snotty!

4. I don't understand math passed the pre-algebra level, and I also don't know how to properly use the words "passed" and "past".

5.  I really like the Hannah Montana Movie and when it came out I watched it WITHOUT kids present. 

6.  I like to randomly make really mean faces at kids who are acting up in stores when their parents aren't looking.  

7.  I love bowls.  If I see bowls on the clearance rack I have to buy one.  I like to have a lot of them in all shapes, sizes and colors.  Even if I never use it.  The idea that I have a bowl for every occasion gives me peace of mind! 

There you have it folks!  7 of the most random pieces of information.  Did I scare you away?? haha

Now for my nominations!  These are in no particular order!  I think they are all equally fabulous!!  Of course there are a million more fab blogs out there but these stood out to me today!! 

Casandra's Corner

Plain Chicken

The Jone's Way

The Somewhat Sane Mom

Busymee

figuring it out as we grow

Funny PostPardum Lady

I Want a Dumpster Baby

I'm a Mom too

Motherhood: A Descent Into Madness

My Daily Jenn-ism

myreal.everyday.life

One Too Many

overworked supermom

Riding the Crazy Train: Diary of a Delirious Mom

And now, here are the rules for all those nominated!

1. Create a post for the Versatile Blogger Award
2. Add the Versatile Blogger Award
3. In the same post, thank the blogger(s) who gave you the award and put a link back to their blogs.
4. Nominate 15 fellow bloggers the Versatile Blogger Award and inform each nominated blogger by posting a comment on each blog
5. In the same post, share 7 completely random pieces of information about yourself
6. In the same post, include this set of rules