I'll grow up someday but until then....LOOK WHAT I JUST FOUND!!!

Soooooooooo, I realized today that I still have NOT started crocheting a blanket for Baby A's arrival.  I feel really bad.  How is it I am 33 weeks and haven't even so much as Googled a pattern?? 


Yep, that's right, I am a MAJOR procrastinator!  


Well, my Google search results undoubtedly took me to Etsy's website.  I saw some cute stuff and it gave me some cute ideas.  Then I ran across this SHOCKING DISCOVERY.  

This is a  set of breastfeeding awareness hats for babies.  

Intrigued?  I was too.  So being the immature minded girl that I am I started a "boob",  "penis", and "vagina", crocheted item, Etsy search.  My OH my!  I found some interesting stuff!  I am going to share a few pictures of my fun finds!


Number 1:::  The coolest gift you can give the man in your life! He'll want to brag about you and your wonderful taste to all of his buddies, near and far.  I bet this could also be a fun bachelor party gift!!

THE BOOB SLIPPERS

Then there is Number 2::  This is a gift that will make you want to lick your lips....over and over and over again.  This would make fabulous party favors for a bachelorette party!  

THE PENIS CHAPSTICK HOLDER KEYCHAIN

Let's finish up with Number 3 because I could seriously post the crazy ALLLLLL night long!!!  This is so fabulous AND you could actually put your penis chapstick holder key chain in this and it would be SO fitting!! I am giggling at the amount of jokes I could make about this!!  Here is is!!  

THE VAGINA POUCH

once a month I am using it to hold red tissue!  HA!

I know you are heading to Etsy to do your own dirty little searches!!  Let me know what you find! 

 HahahahaOh and I just know this is going to come to you as a surprise but I wanted to let you all know that 


wait for it.......


I never did find a crochet pattern for Baby A's blanket.  Guess I will resume the search tomorrow.

OKAY, OKAY, if you insist, Mr. fortune cookie.

Can I get a high five?!

Hey!!!!  I'm finally over last weeks poop disaster!!  If you missed it you can find all the drama HERE.  I'm still a little traumatized but the lower, unbearable, pregnancy back pains have outweighed my disgust and a few more thorough cleanings have helped me to suck it up and dive in.  Yay me!!  So, now that you have been updated I guess I will share my "High Five" for the week!  (if I can remember a whole weeks worth of stuff)


1.  Let's start with The Fourth of July!  Heath was out of town and he wanted to be able to watch the fireworks with me and the kids.  He called and asked if me if we would drive down to him and he would get us a hotel room.  I hate that he misses out on things like this so often so I agreed.  I just LOVE the fireworks!! Watching them is like watching what I am convinced the inside of my head looks like when the house is a mess, and the kids are fighting, and dinner is burning, and crying sets in and all hell breaks loose and chaos ensues!  Everything in my head explodes with color and loud booms!  I just know it!
Oh and I don't want to fail to mention what helped make this experience the number one for the week!  It's the fact that we watched the fireworks from the middle of a cemetery.  Yep!  It was one of the most interesting places I've watched fireworks from....Obviously we were from out of town so we just followed the crowd of cars.  We turned in and there were no lights on this road and we pulled over behind some other cars, parked, turned off the vehicle, and got out only to find we were right next to a grave.  I looked around and there were a LOT of graves!  Yep...we were definitely in a cemetery!


AWKWARD!


When in Rome though.....right?

My sweet pea's enjoying the show!

2. This week was full of listening to my kids fighting back and forth.  One fight in particular ended with the cutest conversation!! If you are my Facebook friend or like my page, then you have probably already read this.  Sorry for torturing you with a double dose! LOL


Hunter:::I'm going to ask mommy if I can play with her cars since you won't let me have yours!!
Shane:::Mommy doesn't play with cars!! All she does is clean, put on make up and brush her hair! Duh!

This was far more cuter than Monday's question of the day!!

"Hey, Mom, what did cars look like when you were little or were they just like horse and wagons or something?"

It's going to be a miracle if these kids make it through their childhood without having to have a boot surgically removed from the rear ends! 

3.  I scored L'Oreal hair color on the clearance rack at target!  $10.18 for TWO boxes! I am thrilled!  My grays are really popping through and shining! 

4.  I am officially under the 2 month mark for my due day.  56 days until I can start having a bottle or 10 of wine again....wait....I meant a glass or 2.  Really, honestly, I did!  SWEAR!  You can trust me because I like big butts!

You snorted when you laughed, didn't you?!

5.  I joined a blog hop!  It's hosted by some fabulous people!!!!!  I am already meeting a few new fun people!  You can check out the other fun blogs by clicking the TGIF Blog Hop button at the top right of this page! There is also info on how to join!!  Now, leave me some words of encouragement below or hit the road! xoxoxoxo

A cry for help no Mother ever wants to hear!!

The horrifying cries no parent wants to ever hear from the mouth of their three year old who is taking a bath fell upon my ears and silenced the room.  I am confident I had a look of sheer horror on my face.  My heart was racing, my eyes went blurry, my tummy churned with a gut wrenching pang.  It was an overwhelming experience and I can't get it out of my mind.  It is something every mom out there prays they will never have happen to them. I'm still quite ill over it.....I even threw up.  You know what I'm about to say don't you?  The cries are still fresh in my mind and I hope you never ever have to hear this exclamation come from you child's mouth




"Mommy, I poo pooed in the bathtub.  Come see."




Oh Holy Crap!!  Yuck!!  Yuck!!! Yuck!!!!  Why did this happen to me??  WHY??  Like being pregnant doesn't make me feel nauseated enough, I have to deal with this too??  What sucks even more is that I had planned on an early bedtime for the kids and I was going to take a nice hot bubble bath and relax.  It doesn't matter how much I just bleached and scrubbed that tub though, I'm sure I won't be able to relax in it for months after witnessing the poop massacre that occurred in it this evening.  


Other than that, I am feeling a little better.  It's been a hectic couple of weeks with my ER trips and multiple trebutaline shots, which by the way, made me feel like what I imagine a crack head suffering from withdrawals would feel like, but I am feeling a little better on and off.  My OB wants me to take 6-8 hours of rest though to ease the irritated uterus crap and keep my contractions from actually dilating me. I laughed at her and asked if she meant just to get 6-8 hours of sleep.  She said no 6-8 hours on top of sleep.  I told her it was impossible and that she was crazy!! She laughed.
I think she though I was joking.
I wasn't.
I also have decided to avoid wearing any kind of dress or skirt because I am confident I am walking around with a little leg hanging out of my vagina that is doing kung fu moves.  Talk about being uncomfortable!  It's like my uterus is a bounce house and my cervix is one of those long paper banners that football players bust through and tear apart.  There is finally a light at the end of my uterine tunnel though.  I only have 2 months to go!!  So please pray for me as I try to make it out of this pregnancy alive and in tact and without committing any violent crimes.  

RIP Uterus, RIP...

MOM!!! YOU RAN A RED LIGHT!!

"No honey, Mommy didn't run a red light, she was just a little late to the green one!"  Yep...shocked myself with that quick wit! 


Today has been a barrel of laughs!  


It had "Big Wiener's" and "Little Dinger's"  Yeah...someone actually tried to open a hot dog joint called "Big Wiener's Drive-in".  My kids...and my Dad can't get jokes and comments out fast enough!  My vehicle was full of 4 adults and 2 children by age but HOLY SMOKES!!  We were all giggling like little kids! To top it all off, we had to pass by it twice!!  Then you mix the children's love for the name of the kids "Lil Dinger" cups from the local drive thru convenience store and you have even more ammo for bad jokes! 


Then you add in my sister and her sense of humor and the pregnant driver of the vehicle nearly goes into pre term labor!


Sister::Why did baby Karen fall of the swing?
Me::I don't know, why?
Sister::She didn't have any arms...
Me::REALLY?!
Sister::Knock, knock
Me::who's there?
Sister::NOT KAREN!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahahaha

Last of all there is this....


Sending your kids off for a sleepover is always a struggle of emotions.  I always feel worried for the parents taking on my child, nervous that my child will want to come home in the middle of the night, scared about that they will spill horrible family secrets to their friend's parents,  Luckily, the sleepover I sent my kid to last night was at a home of a nearly life long family friend.  It doesn't get any more secure and worry free than that.


So I thought....


I picked up my darling, sweet, innocent (okay, you can stop laughing now) 7 year old boy this afternoon from their home.  We get into the car and I ask how his sleepover went and got to hear all about the fun they had!  THEN I got to hear about the show that they watched!  It was about a woman...who had a baby...and she did NOT want to the baby...and she did NOT know she was even having a baby "and she didn't even ASK for the baby, Mom" and even though this baby was unwanted some how she still had the baby and "SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WAS PREGNANT, MOM!!!"  Thank you for that my dear friend!  Thank you...
Maybe, God should have made us all stick figures so this kind of pregnancy scare doesn't happen!  hahaha